Oh Grace

My heart is yours, but my mind can sometimes wander

Something is trying to pull me away from Grace, back to fear
and exhausting effort
to judgement
rather than mercy
strain
rather than peace
dread
rather than hope
worry
rather than rest
doubt
rather than love
chains
rather than wings

Something ugly and dreadful
without heart or care
spews out sulfur darts toward a tired soul

while Christ all along fights mightily
for his grace to be established
deeper
in this wondering heart

Oh, he is so much greater
oh lavish Grace
that covers me
even as I stumble or fret
as I break and bleed

Oh the grace that holds me
and will never let me go
Oh, I look to him
but he looks more at me, for me
His love I can not fathom
deeper and wider still

Deeper and wider...

And all I must do is trust, believe
rest in His work and His life in me.

No more striving or straining in vain
If I cry, then because he also cries
If I fly, then because he also flies
if I sing
because he also sings
In me, with me

Oh Grace
I sing
Oh Grace
you pick me up
and I sing

~Manuela

Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”

Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” John 6:29-29, (emphasis mine). So I believe we also walk by faith and belief, not our own effort. More on this later ( hopefully!)

For more good stuff on grace, visit http://blog.graceroots.org/

Change the title?

I want to sort of change the title to the poem below. Walkin' in the Spirit doesn't quite fit because it's not necessarily true that by walking in the Spirit we will have a good-everything-fall-into-place day.  So many times walking in the Spirit, or attempting to, means lots of opposition and problems and heartache, down here.
The words were more about a good day, when God granted a restful day, full of peace and content, like a gift. Yeah, of course we wish every day was like that. But it just can't be that way it seems, this side of heaven.
But maybe our days can have more tastes of that within them. Maybe there is more peace and content to be experienced in all the mundane and all the to-do's and all the obstacles and problems. I think so. Only by abiding in him can I find that restful place in my soul, no matter what is going on. It seems tricky sometimes as my feelings pull at me, as do my moods and certain circumstances and even people. But I so long to keep my eyes on Him and seek him in all things.
That is my prayer always, that He alone would be my strength and stay.
I have to set time aside to spend with him and just ponder him, enjoy him (and tarry there, see hymn below). And from there I can go and face what I need to. It's not an easy road, we shouldn't fool ourselves. But we can have strength and joy in measure, like it says in the hymns. The old hymns are so good for meditating on. They have so much wisdom.... Their uplifting songwords can help us fly to a more secure place and remind us who that place is.
Just reading them like poems can be encouraging...
 Here's a good one about all this-

IN THE GARDEN
I come to the garden alone,
While the dew is still on the roses;
And the voice I hear,
Falling on my ear,
The Son of God discloses.

And he walks with me
And He talks with me,
And He tells me I am his own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

He speaks and the sound of His voice
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing;
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing.

I'd stay in the garden with Him,
Tho' the night around me be falling,
But He bids me go;
Thro' the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling.

``````````````
So I'm unofficially changing the title from Walkin' in the Spirit to - A Gift of a Day

Walkin' in the Spirit

The night doesn't last forever. Trials come and go. Though they pile up, the light does break through.
There is so much grace... In the darkness it can't always be sensed.

God delivers. We have been redeemed. Truly welcomed through his great sacrifice.
When it hurts, we can so easily forget. When we sleep, we get blinded.
   We need him.

We can walk in the Spirit. We can trust amidst all the unknowns. We can leave it uncertain, it's alright. We can trust the hand that holds. We can move and let him lead.
   We can let go

Sometimes it all falls into place. The light breaks powerfully through.
Is it just a taste?
Will it last forever?
Someday it will

Laundry beast

 

 Sometimes the laundry piles up from here to the moon... and I need to be satisfied with just chipping away at it, once I can get out from under it. That's not really me in the picture, but metaphorically it definitely is.
It's a mountain that can only be climbed a little at a time.
The good thing about having to go to the laundry mat is that I can do many loads at one time. But I don't like to do more than three, plus it feels like I'm hogging the laundry mat if I do more than that!
Today, it's definitely laundry day- no escaping it. The beast has taken over. Why oh why do I put it off so....? It's always last on my priority list.
I've also noticed I go shopping more because it seems like there's no clothes (because they're all dirty!) Geez. Truth is, I don't like going to the laundry mat. I do covet having my own washer and dryer again... But I'm not sure I was any better when I did...  My husband has been doing his own laundry for quite some time. I'm really not the best house-wife, truth be told. Health problems have been part of the issue; having limited time where I was well enough to do things. But still, I always think there's better things to do with my time, until my daughter has no clean underwear.

I prefer to sit here and write about laundry than go and actually do it. Well, I rather write than do a great many things....

God give me the grace to fight this beast and WIN!
Can I accept that house work never ceases? (I always think it will magically cease one day, and often act as though it has, when all evidence is quite to the contrary) 


Okay, putting on my mama-cape, here I go!
Well, after breakfast! Can't do laundry without any protein!

Thanksgiving

Hope you had a good day.

Our daughter learned this poem, which I got from a friend, and said it as our prayer for the meal. She also dressed up as a little pilgrim : ) We made this cool turkey craft you can see on pic. We had fun creating the feathers. We got the idea at http://familyfun.go.com    

Blessings, Manuela

"Give thanks to God for God is good.
Give thanks to God for all Creation.
Give thanks to God for family and friends.
Give thanks to God for food to share.
Give thanks to God for sending Jesus.
God's love lasts Forever."

AMEN

Tribute

Wow, I can't believe I wrote the last post a month ago. How time flies.
I was sick for two whole weeks between then and now, and honestly I didn't know if I would ever get better, despite what the last post said...( I have been better for several days now, PRAISE GOD) I am AMAZED at how sickness can blurr perspective, how it does mine at times. But at the same time I'm seeing, once again, how grace from our friends can get us through. I know an amazing group of ladies through an online support group who pick me up, everytime. And so I see God's deliverance and overcoming come also through those who earnestly pray for us. These wonderful ladies have struggled with chronic illness ( as I have) and some have a few decades over me and their love astounds me, because they pray passionately and with love. So this is just a short tribute to them.
I tell some of them they are my "slightly" older sisters, not that age is that important...But years (and years of suffering) can teach many things. So I honor them for the lovely giving spirit they have. We have never met face to face, but I feel we know each other and are cut from the same cloth. What a blessing!

EXCITED

I'm excited- Excited that with God I can overcome anything, ANYTHING! The cheer I have comes from him.
I take my spoon (and ears and eyes and all of it) and feed on him, slowly, and he fills me and satisfies me, yes he does ( I need my daily bread). Nothing else can.
All props are removed so I can feast on the source of real life. Yes, I am excited! Who knew...!

"... be of good cheer, I have overcome the world" John 16:33

Can we be this kind of friend?

And do we need friends like this? ... I don't find myself agnostic at this moment but in my lowest points I have surely felt the ways described in the post below. I think most of us have at one point or other, if we are honest. Are we afraid to admit it because we feel that not even God can tolerate our deep doubts?
And when we have been there, have we found disapproval and rejection from others, ...or have we dished that out? 

Daily Meditation for Thursday 25th of August 2011 by Dale and Juanita Ryan

A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
Job 6:14

At some point during the recovery process we re-examine our most fundamental beliefs. A long process of sorting, examining and questioning takes place. And, in that process, our relationship with God is challenged. It is possible that our relationship with God will deepen and strengthen in the process. But it is also possible that we will find ourselves pulling away from God. We may find ourselves angry with God, or afraid of God, or unable to believe in God at all. This can be a frightening experience. It can feel like the very foundations of life are being shaken.

In times like this, we need many things. But at the top of the list is our need for friends who will accept us even if we turn away from God. We need friends who will not minimize our struggle or discount our feelings. We need people who will not be shocked when we are full of rage at God. We need friends who are able to hear the deep pain behind our words and who know that this, too, is part of our healing. We need people who can see beyond the immediate pain to the healing that can come.
Even when we forsake the fear of God, we need friends who understand, who are committed to us for the long haul, and who plead with God on our behalf.
Sometimes I feel agnostic, Lord,
I just don't know anymore.
Sometimes I want nothing to do with you.
Where were you when I needed you the most?
Sometimes I despair, Lord.
Sometimes I can't seem to hope.
I need friends who will not abandon me, Lord.
I need friends who will be patient and grace-full with my anger and fear.
I need friends who will stay with me as we wait for you to show yourself once again.
I need friends, Lord, who will give me courage to hope again in you.
Send help, Lord.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan http://www.nacronline.com/nacr-daily-meditation

Groaning for good things

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. (Romans 8:26&27)

 Wow, wow, wow. Amazing...

Have you ever groaned and you were just full of wanting...
Today, I dropped my little girl off to her first day of 1st grade! It was SO HARD, and scarier for me than maybe for her, although I thoroughly checked out the school and feel it's a pretty decent one (fingers crossed).
My sweet girl was excited and scared. God bless her tender heart. She was so brave and I know she will do great. She didn't cry... She had a little sticker on her hand to remind her of how much she is loved (taken from The Kissing hand book...)
When I left the school I was kind of a mess. I saw a little boy outside her class weeping and clinging to his momma and that just sort of threw me over the edge. I wanted to stay and just hang around outside her class, and as I lingered there, I realized it would be better if I went for a drive and tried to pray (besides I was starting to get weird looks)
I felt so full. As I drove (and got less cranky as I got away from all the traffic) the verse I shared above came to mind. I wanted to pray for Maggie, her safety and comfort at school, her teachers, the school, and then myself, my life, this state, the world, the children's hospital I passed... I had felt overwhelmed as people had rushed around me, and the crazy traffic and everyone running to their jobs; such is modern life, I know, but I wanted to be still. I realized I NEEDED to be. I think the realizing it and taking action (by getting away) was the breaking point for the light to enter. That's usually how it works for me.
And the verse above brought me comfort. God himself groans and intercedes through us and for us and we can offer our deep longings for good things as prayers, even if we can't articulate all of it. I was able to articulate some of it and felt more peace as I prayed... And I felt amazed at God and his mercy.
Amazing that we can just offer up prayers here and there, any time of day, as our hearts lead, and his Spirit leads. Some will be clear prayers, some will be groans (is that part of what "tongues" is .. ?). But I know our Father wants us to be still and know He is God- for our own comfort, cause this world is just too much sometimes. Whatever helps us be still and know him- a drive, a walk, a song, a prayer, whatever, is well worth the time. It helps unjade things just a bit at a time. And we all need to make more time for that.

Not ever in vain

Sometimes you will do things
and no one will understand,
except only One

Sometimes you will feel things
and no one will understand,
except One

Sometimes
only your conviction will carry you
through,
And walking alone
will be your strength
though to many it appear as weakness

People fear anothers' sorrow too much
It reveals to them
their own fears,
To some
it mirrors their frozen pain
that they dare not face

But without heartache
you can't grow
or really love
or learn

or come to fully understand
what you need to

nor can you know
how close God is
when he carries you
and the heap of pain that you feel you are
as your strength wavers and your thoughts falter

though you falter...

you learn that the sorrow
you so feared
is a faithful teacher and friend

and your real sighing and tears
are not ever in vain

Crazy times

the creation groans
waiting for the sons of God to be revealed
sons who feel
and see
and care
sons and daughters of light and life
coming forth in crazy times
through deception
and murder they will pass
through

birthed by pure blood
they will be purified
and creation aches
and groans
waiting,
oh, when?

and together they will rise
crowned in love
sword in hand, double edged
lovely and wise
oh,
oh,
when...

they will rise

Through the Spirit...

"...Those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires." Romans 8:5

I want to live more and more with my mind set on what the Spirit desires. He is the Counselor, the Comforter, the Helper, the Spirit of Truth. I can turn my mind toward him and receive the strength and encouragement I need, anytime. Pretty great. He accepts me, my mess, brokenness. He silences the accuser and showers me with hope.

"I'm out..."

Happy New Year. I wish you peace, hope, faith, truth, perseverance and most of all love,
because of Jesus Christ, who shall make all things new when he returns... Let us keep our hope firm- "For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ" (Phillipians 3:20) and, "For we through the Spirit eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness by faith. (Galatians 5:5)

Off to the Grand Canyon!

woo-hoo, yes!...we need a getaway. I am a traveling soul and it's been a while... Wanted to leave y'all with a post by Holley Gerth that really encouraged me. You can check out her very thoughtful words at http://blog.dayspring.com. Merry belated Christmas and a Spirit-filled New Year to you! If you love Jesus, the Word made flesh, you shine...

You shine... by Holley Gerth (To view in her blog, click here)

The darkness still hovers over the dawn. I step on a plane that will carry my from here to there.
Carry me to my family, to my Grandpa Hollie in Texas who's celebrating 90 years of good living this week. I peer from the window.
The lights below me twinkle, twinkle.
And I think of you.
How can I not think of you?
You are the light of the world. Matthew 5:14
Some lights are alone...
I pray you're sustained, comforted, that you sense the nearness of One Who Loves You, even in the darkness.
Others are clustered in groups...
I pray you're strengthened, unified, that together you shine brighter and bolder.
Everywhere, sprinkled across the dark, are beams and bulbs, flickers and flashes. YOU. Beautiful, glorious, filled with the light of the One who made you.
And I just wanted to say...
Keep shining.
From your perspective, it may not seem like much.
But from above?
Oh, yes, you SHINE.
Beautifully, radiantly, more than you know, more than you see...
And trust me, the world is better and brighter for it.

A very encouraging post to share...

 "When the Wolves howl from a Sheep's mouth" by  Mary DeMuth

Nothing is quite as confusing as spiritual abuse but yet somehow Jesus always preserves and delivers his little sheep- his forever.

Thankful for the body

Since we moved to Tucson we've had trials on top of trials on top of trials, sometimes to the point of desperation. They are too many to tell... but right alongside we made friends, new friends who have been loving us tangibly- and that has been our rescue. They've had faith, gifts and encouragement for us when we had little left, or when we forgot what we had and who we are. We are learning together that we simply are one body and that the only thing that can keep us together is our friendship and love, in and because of Christ. And this love is not exclusive nor can it be divided. The friendship and love is the sinew that keeps us together, nothing else will work. We are to receive one another and bear with each other.  One verse and passage that spoke to us is- Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification (Rom. 15:1-2).  Is this not love? Who could be strong all the time without any help. We need each other. It's not so complicated really.... Christ's message was simple but it would take faith in him to understand, and then he would do the rest.
"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you"
(John 15:7)

A little while

fragmented
                                  scattered
                                                                                                 bewildered
everywhere
                                                         but nowhere
knowledgeable                                                      
                                                                                             overly sophisticated
                         but nowhere

desperate world
deception rules
and many stray far from the Son
though he never strays from them

all he said...
all he did...
you either take him whole or
you don't take him at all

can not say he was
"an enlightened one"
and pick and chose at his words
then
truth would lose all meaning
love would falter
and lie
...cannot lie
the fear he came to take
would be reborn

but born of truth
we can't deny
(the Son)


and fear reigns
He said we'd suffer
for a little while
He said the lies would
flooding come
deception would rule
for a little while
and men would say peace
and dance over the massacre
with no grief
or shame
some with no feeling
at all

and
what is a little while
in the face of eternity

Come to me, my song...

I   f i n a l l y  downloaded another of my songs to myspace:

Come to me  

What we need & Hope for a tree cut down

...give us each day our daily bread...

and this bread really satisfies-

calms, heal, restores

sometimes it may come in the form of someone's prayer or kind word or deed

anything that causes us to return to the Source of abundant life

Once restored 

comforted

we can love

***************

"How different would our lives be if we believed every single gesture 
every act of faith or love or joy or peace or word of forgiveness
would multiply as long as there are people to receive it. 
Our gift is not what we can do but who we are." -Henry Nouwen
 

from this song- great song check it out here:

 http://belovedschurch.org/hope/given.php

Returning

Habits don't die easy and that involves ways of thinking as well. Fear, shame, worry, insecurity they all don't go easy. They are always knocking on our door. There is perhaps a right kind of fear and a right kind of worry. I don't even know. Need to make more time to renew my mind, to get in touch with the truth that is already in me, the goodness that is there. Everything is so crazy these days, so disconnected.
We will talk truth as if to grasp hold of it, but can we live it? The freedom we profess or seek comes with a cost. Do we dare be different- people who live the message, unconcerned with all the superficial worries of this life- like how to make a living? Do I even trust he will provide? And what if what he thinks is sufficient for me is way less than what I think I need? That seems to happen a lot. We all have to shed this world in so many ways to find the real peace that was there all along. How quickly it gets lost around here with so many distractions, so many ways to try to remove the ache. Maybe the homesick feeling is meant to just be there. Sometimes it's there much more so, and maybe that's okay too...? If it leads me to his embrace, it must be good...