Friday, December 14, 2007

Messy entry (unedited)

Note: This will be a minimally edited post (unspelled-checked, etc). I have 50 plus others yet to be posted because, well, they weren't perfect enough...This is a BIG step for me. I purposely won't spell check it to rebel against my perfectionism so sorry if it hurts some eyes, not that I have many readers. Note to self: it's just a blog entry, MY GOSH!

Sometimes I wonder if it is just virtually impossible to lead an organized life AND be loving person (especially when you have little ones to tend to). To keep up with today's demands is much like a juggling act, it demands so much time, energy and attention (where are our license plate receipts? who knows and who cares, (except I got a ticket for being late renewing my plates) I think it would take so much time organizing and compiling all my auto papers that I'd be so frustrated once I got to the license bureau and was told I had the wrong papers anyway. Does anyone ever have the right papers? To do so, in my opinion, would mean you wasted a little more time than I did (including my going to some other office to get the right copies, that we had lost). Granted, you probably didn't spend as much money as me, but hey, time is money. So the question is, what is there left to give to others once we achieve total organization? (I wouldn't know cause I'm so far off). Of course there are degrees of organized as there are degrees of chaos... and each person's view of which is which varies. The single organized person probably can not comprehend the mom's relative chaos. And the organized mom with two kids could easily judge the "messy" college student. I guess it all boils down to what is important to you... and whether or not you judge people by externals including yourself.
I could definately have less mess, but only just a little less. What I seem to need is more time (and more sleep). Maybe less mess would give me more time, but I know that complete organization (at least while I have a three year old) is an evil ideal to place on myself. Well, it's just an evil ideal for me anyway (considering my temperament...) It's just a plain evil ideal period.
Once upon a time (before I really knew adult responsibilities in this modern-blink-and-have-it-done-society and I wasn't married WITH children), I was orderly, but I was also more of a control-freak too. ( God has been chipping away at that) ...Maybe my problem is that I equate organization with control-freakness (in myself) and I've rebelled against myself.
Still, the demands of today are nuts. Who has time to have it all together and be available for people in any way? Sometimes I think-- only relationally constipated control-freaks or people with a lot of money and maid/s is the answer. But I can see this is pretty judgemental... just slightly (i've just known too many of those types). Who isn't jaded and judgemental in some way? I wish I could say I wasn't. But i seek to do what is right, what is most important for me.
I'm tempted to "should" myself and think "I probably should be cleaning something right now instead of blogging." But I know I'd be miserable doing anyhting out of mere guilt. My over-active mind needs me to write....But for now I'm done.
Peace to all-- organized or not.
Motto for the perfectionist only-- Seize the day, there's always going to be crap to clean up (but don't be a complete slob to overcompensate for the perfectionism) Be a slob because you are free to be one but you are also free to clean up. Hey, I'm free. Christ has set me free. Okay, I'm done. Now you've seen how crazy I am ( all you two readers!) Good night. I need to get help. No more notes to self. I can't stop...! Help.