Friday, October 31, 2008

What makes someone "A Star" (Part 1)

Little Maggie may be starting dance classes, so yesterday we went to go buy her ballet/dance outfit. The dressing rooms at the snazzy dance store we landed on were labeled "little star," "star," and I think one said "diva." I happened to tell her what the dressing rooms said as we went into "little star," and she kept asking, "but why." I pretty much kept answering, "just because, just because..." I didn't know what to say at the time, plus the whys are non-stop sometimes. You really do have to be God in order to answer even half of them...

The next day, we were at the park. It was a breath-taking glorious fall day, one I could feel and thank God for (sigh). Anyway, as she was swinging, out of nowhere she said, "I'm going to be the best 'little star' in my ballet class, the best dancer." I paused this time-- I'm pretty sure the dressing rooms had something to do with that, in addition to her common desire to be great... It's hard being a parent. It really is. Your heart is in your mouth half the time as it is. You are constantly faced with so many choices and you never even realized how much you could love another human being (and to think God loves us better than any mother does her child). Not to mention the fact that this world is so backwards and twisted in what it values and that it's everywhere. I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell her what I thought a real "star" is. So I told her it was someone who was a good friend, someone with love (the real Jesus) in their heart...

Wouldn't the world be a great place if everyone wanted to be this kind of "star" versus being great, famous, important, most talented or the best? Honestly, I think it is the greatest aspiration anyone could have and that so very few have. What if it truly was the highest aspiration of all and what did make someone a star in this world. I think that's when we would know we are in heaven.
If we look back on our lives, we know that our "stars" are those who have been our true friends, who've stuck by is at our lowest, or who gave us hope and joy as a surprise gift, just when we needed it.

So I say "a star" is someone who is truly a good friend, to me that's all there is to it. My daughter seemed to get it....
In the great scheme of things what else really matters? What else will last?
Here's to the real Stars! (cheers)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Maggie turned 4!

Our lovely little girl turned four on Oct.14th. What a happy, happy day it was when you were born!!!

To Maggie from momma:
Innocent eyes grace the sights
with wonder, hope and delight
With tender caution,
an open heart
to learn what's true
and what is right
To drink in love
that she may know
the Strength who
holds tomorrow
The Hand so good to hold

Joy, joy, joy
and hope is in your eyes
Let me kindle what is right.
I will love you all my days
from each moment to always


Monday, October 20, 2008

This mad world

God is amazing. He is. His peace returns to me and he tells me not to worry so much... I love his word and how it ministers to my thirsty soul.

I know life can be and is so hard for many of us, it is. This does NOT mean we are out of God's will, to the contrary, I think. I'm talking specifically about about how we, his little children, ultimately not of this world, happen to live in it-- this crazy place ruled mostly by greed. It's the way it is and so it's grievious and affects us all in one way or another. Greed is the reason this country's financial structure is collapsing. It' s part of the world's evil within, you know, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life... It is not of the Father... so it can't stand.
How do we make it in such a greedy, status based world?
By not succumbing to these things of the world. He who is in us is greater than he who is of the world. We overcome by the blood of the lamb, by Christ in us.
It's okay to be sad with the state of things... but we can overcome, together. That's not to say we won't suffer. It's not about being at ease--
Psalm 73:12
This is what the wicked are like—
always carefree, they increase in wealth.
So it's not about being carefree, but about having peace despite the trials. The bible says many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him from them all...
The Lord is our light and our salvation.
I wanted to write this because many of us deal and are dealing with opposition and trials. We suffer down here. Jesus said in this world we will have tribulation, but to be of good cheer for he has overcome the world.
We need to keep lifting one another up, through prayer and living in love, not in the things of the world.
God help us.
He has and He will- that's his promise, through His word...

Matthew 6:33 (New International Version)
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Be done away

This is a song I'm writing. I wrote the lyrics first this time, which is unusual for me. My poems tend to be lyric because I'm mostly a songwriter, for those of you who didn't know and were just dying to know : ) ?!

Be done away

The surrender is worth it,
every time
the unraveling so fearful, when the ancient walls come
tumbling down
you see you are dust
dust like flames
yet dust nonetheless

the faulty foundations lose their footing
and the crumbling comes
torn to the core
and terrified for a

you're dust like flames
but dust nonetheless
and for an instant
all is meaningless

but it's a groaning
we must all feel
a groaning that will return
a groaning giving way
to something real
and then
one day
be done away

Friday, October 10, 2008

Everyone has a fishing story...

Here's mine...

Caught this baby without trying, really. First one in our whole group to make a catch. I was the total rookie, mind you.
To start, I cast my line in way too far (I'm such a rookie, I had to ask my husband how to say this) and caught a stick off the edge. Then I got my hook tangled on a rope by the pier we were on, and just as I untangled it and it finally went in the water, something started pulling on my pole really hard! All this occurred in like less than like two minutes.... When I felt the pull I completely FREAKED out. I didn't know what it was. Yes, it was my first time catching a fish (I think I'd only really fished one other time and I remember having a horrible phobia of hooks when I was little. The other time I fell in the lake and took my fishing buddy down with me. It was not warm out, so that pretty much ended our little fishing outing)
My husband would not help me pull the fish in, though I begged. He really wanted me to do it. I didn't know what to do. It was a strong little guy. Well, not so little, really. I couldn't roll him in. I think the proper word is "reel" him in.
Eventually I just pulled him in somehow, in total fear and shock (see top picture, not very graceful)

It was all very awkward and wonderful and it made my day. Really, I praised God that I caught this small-mouthed bass! It was a like a little gift from Jesus, the master fisherman.
Right before I decided to try to fish, I remember thinking that it seemed kinda boring and pointless (sorry Jesus). Where's the appeal? Now I kinda get it. I think I would LOVE fly-fishing, though.
So, that's me with the beauty.... Of course, we put her back after we all pet her. My daughter was mesmerized by the whole experience and would not stop boasting about my catch, as if my gloating wasn't enough.
That day I overcame my fear of fishing hooks and fish (not the worms). I still won't eat fish, but I will touch them when they're alive. They're kinda cute.

(I wrote this two months ago when I got back from Lake of the Ozarks where this catch distracted and never posted it until now...)

Shortly after our trip, we bought our first pet fish for our daughter Maggie. We named him swimmy. I'm very fond of fish now. Well, there actually is one kind of fish I will eat-- canned chunk tuna. But only because I was tricked by my parents into eating it as a child (they told me it was a mayonnaise "sauce"). I ate this "sauce" unawares for several years and grew to like it... I still eat it drenched in mayo.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Healing post # 2 (modified)

I wrote this on the comments below, about showing one another our wounds. I modified it a bit here so it wouldn't be misconstrued...

Yeah, not easy, first of all to admit stuff to ourselves... It took me a long, long time... to really face how I'd been abused and even some of the whys (not that it was my fault). It turned my whole world upside down and shook it severely, fiercely. I didn't know who I was and I was very mad to say the least. Emotionally and even physically, I felt like I was gonna die. And there is still residue... it's SUCH a process. Whew, for sure!
There's so much shame and guilt tied to sexual abuse, no wonder most have such a hard time admitting it to themselves, let alone sharing it and grieving. Actually, I think this is the case for any form of abuse. But in the light of love, each of us can face painful realities (but only in the light of love). And in this light we can heal one another. (We are the hands and feet of Jesus...)
I think we each sort of sense when we are in a safe place to reveal our wounds. In relationship, it's a process. We don't bear everything at once. (I've shared too much of my wounds before to the wrong folks... but I guess we learn through trial and error. God still had my healing in mind, even if in my need I trusted too much, foolishly. He's just amazing.

... I can look back and say he's held me through some horrible storms, so I can only believe he will yet hold me, hold me forever.

Friday, October 3, 2008


There is no healing without showing one another our wounds, without tenderly tending to one another's wounds.

Maybe more to follow : )

these words have been swimming through my head for a week....