Oh Grace

My heart is yours, but my mind can sometimes wander

Something is trying to pull me away from Grace, back to fear
and exhausting effort
to judgement
rather than mercy
strain
rather than peace
dread
rather than hope
worry
rather than rest
doubt
rather than love
chains
rather than wings

Something ugly and dreadful
without heart or care
spews out sulfur darts toward a tired soul

while Christ all along fights mightily
for his grace to be established
deeper
in this wondering heart

Oh, he is so much greater
oh lavish Grace
that covers me
even as I stumble or fret
as I break and bleed

Oh the grace that holds me
and will never let me go
Oh, I look to him
but he looks more at me, for me
His love I can not fathom
deeper and wider still

Deeper and wider...

And all I must do is trust, believe
rest in His work and His life in me.

No more striving or straining in vain
If I cry, then because he also cries
If I fly, then because he also flies
if I sing
because he also sings
In me, with me

Oh Grace
I sing
Oh Grace
you pick me up
and I sing

~Manuela

Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”

Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” John 6:29-29, (emphasis mine). So I believe we also walk by faith and belief, not our own effort. More on this later ( hopefully!)

For more good stuff on grace, visit http://blog.graceroots.org/

Not ever in vain

Sometimes you will do things
and no one will understand,
except only One

Sometimes you will feel things
and no one will understand,
except One

Sometimes
only your conviction will carry you
through,
And walking alone
will be your strength
though to many it appear as weakness

People fear anothers' sorrow too much
It reveals to them
their own fears,
To some
it mirrors their frozen pain
that they dare not face

But without heartache
you can't grow
or really love
or learn

or come to fully understand
what you need to

nor can you know
how close God is
when he carries you
and the heap of pain that you feel you are
as your strength wavers and your thoughts falter

though you falter...

you learn that the sorrow
you so feared
is a faithful teacher and friend

and your real sighing and tears
are not ever in vain

Crazy times

the creation groans
waiting for the sons of God to be revealed
sons who feel
and see
and care
sons and daughters of light and life
coming forth in crazy times
through deception
and murder they will pass
through

birthed by pure blood
they will be purified
and creation aches
and groans
waiting,
oh, when?

and together they will rise
crowned in love
sword in hand, double edged
lovely and wise
oh,
oh,
when...

they will rise

A little while

fragmented
                                  scattered
                                                                                                 bewildered
everywhere
                                                         but nowhere
knowledgeable                                                      
                                                                                             overly sophisticated
                         but nowhere

desperate world
deception rules
and many stray far from the Son
though he never strays from them

all he said...
all he did...
you either take him whole or
you don't take him at all

can not say he was
"an enlightened one"
and pick and chose at his words
then
truth would lose all meaning
love would falter
and lie
...cannot lie
the fear he came to take
would be reborn

but born of truth
we can't deny
(the Son)


and fear reigns
He said we'd suffer
for a little while
He said the lies would
flooding come
deception would rule
for a little while
and men would say peace
and dance over the massacre
with no grief
or shame
some with no feeling
at all

and
what is a little while
in the face of eternity

Takes a lifetime

Healing takes time
more than a lifetime
we marry each other
broken and weak
with all kinds of armor
to protect the seed
but what we want matters everything
and in the end it will show

what do I have to hold on to
except that I am yours
I'm willing to bleed
to learn the way
to stumble but turn my face to the sun
and keep turning
because you see me

And that you see
is not fearsome to me
it is comfort and sunlight
warm and calm
like prairies I can
peacefully walk upon

unjade

UNJADE
The world has got you by the neck
oftentimes you mistake it
for an embrace,
feeling good about yourself
until the gray demons return
and they are really a mercy
to show you you've lost your way

You were bought at a price
but you've forgotten
what that price was
was it worth your everything?
and who is your god
besides the other side of the mirror
Have the wire lines been embedded too deep?

You keep on carving your own way
until the demons come

and they are really a mercy

Intrusion

I wrote this poem, as also a reminder to my own soul. It involves a process I often go through, of finally embracing the sadness and what I feel to be true (as hard as it may be), and then watching grace overcome me again, in her own unforeseen way... I think, also, the process of embracing the sadness, is Grace herself, keeping me alive and well. She is mysterious indeed, but very good in every way.

------

Intrusion

Fight the lull everyone
all those shiny gifts
ain't gonna fill your soul
all this running around
is worth nothing
when you leave love
out the back door

What are you running after,
what is it all for?
All the family laughter
that echoed in the young hearts
is now forlorn
when bones are sullen at the core,
can't beckon their return
cause you're innocent no more

Don't fight the sadness
don't fight it anymore--
it's the river that is honest,
the only satin cord
amidst all this intrusion
of what you call your home

and once your tears unfold
ensuing the unknown
you'll taste and you will see
the love that you have sworn,
in unexpected hours and unexpected dawns

you will call on your beloved
in incandescent tones
you will swear you are your loved one's
and he forever yours

they may say I feel too to deeply
things that just aren't so
but I will say that
they're just pining for a world
that will be torn
all on it's own

Be done away

This is a song I'm writing. I wrote the lyrics first this time, which is unusual for me. My poems tend to be lyric because I'm mostly a songwriter, for those of you who didn't know and were just dying to know : ) ?!

************
Be done away

The surrender is worth it,
every time
the unraveling so fearful, when the ancient walls come
tumbling down
you see you are dust
dust like flames
yet dust nonetheless

the faulty foundations lose their footing
and the crumbling comes
torn to the core
and terrified for a
moment

you're dust like flames
but dust nonetheless
and for an instant
all is meaningless

but it's a groaning
we must all feel
a groaning that will return
a groaning giving way
to something real
and then
one day
be done away

Lonely sigh

This lonely sigh
I breathed out
returned to me time
and again
I swelled up,
heaved

lost, like ashes
like feeble ashes I crumbled
bled out my shame
and bled out my name
for all to see
but none to see

and I'm so tired
for all this fighting

What's the use in making it all
pretty on the outside
what's the use
inside the blood swells
the bruises are there
what's the use
in anything
but crying

Let this dying run it's course
is all I feel
is all I don't feel
and this lonely sigh
is real

and oh,
Your noble wounds, You wore them on
your lovely wrists
for all to see You wore them
on Your brow
with love not shame
on your side

Are they so lovely
up there in heaven?
Up there where all is lovely
and takes your breath away

takes this sigh away

by Manuela R.
-----------------------------
I have battled clinical depression most of my adult life. This loneliness is a recurring transient state I can find myself in (no matter where I'm at in life).
Sometimes I dread her (loneliness). But sometimes I can see she is my friend, leading me to better unknown places.

Poem...

The Wounded Soul

Oh, the wounded soul can
doubt too rashly
fall too quickly
drown too easily
ache too deeply

but oh, the wounded soul can
long so immensely
look so earnestly
hope so valiantly
seek so vehemently

There is healing for the wounded soul
who will but seek it
even with a fumbling heart and hands

He will come with the surgeon's tools
and the ache will bring about
a sweet and lovely relief
in time
and time again

Luke 11:9-10
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

****************************************

The best wounds are the wounds of a soldier who is fighting for love. The weapons are invisible but mighty. The wounds deep but beautiful. Just look at the Savior's wrists

Bittersweet Christmas

Hello again. Here's the poem. I wrote it last Christmas...
Peace and Love to you.


Oh, bittersweet Christmas

Is this time special, I don’t know
So much traffic, but nothing’s slow
Are hearts yearning with delight,
or just weary from the fight?
Is there love beneath the gifts,
smiles of grace, or bitter rifts?
Is there longing for a peace,
to fill our days with real release,
Or is it just another strain,
of hiding sorrow, drowning pain
And what memories haunt your sight,
Lovely days or bitter nights?

If you sing, sing with hope for a new strain
And if you cry, let the Savior take your pain
Pray for love to come again
Let yourself be as you are
whether you know what or why
Know that He for you did come
and for the broken- every one.

And if you heart is filled with glee
share it with humanity,
with hearts weary from the storm
that tried to kill the Savior born
The storm that lives and taunts today
even on this Christmas day.
So if you sing, sing with love
with compassion from above

Knowing that for this He came
to love the broken,
take their shame
To teach the willing- heal the hurt
To love the wounded
Redeem the earth.

Dec. 2005 ©Manuela R.