Lonely sigh

This lonely sigh
I breathed out
returned to me time
and again
I swelled up,
heaved

lost, like ashes
like feeble ashes I crumbled
bled out my shame
and bled out my name
for all to see
but none to see

and I'm so tired
for all this fighting

What's the use in making it all
pretty on the outside
what's the use
inside the blood swells
the bruises are there
what's the use
in anything
but crying

Let this dying run it's course
is all I feel
is all I don't feel
and this lonely sigh
is real

and oh,
Your noble wounds, You wore them on
your lovely wrists
for all to see You wore them
on Your brow
with love not shame
on your side

Are they so lovely
up there in heaven?
Up there where all is lovely
and takes your breath away

takes this sigh away

by Manuela R.
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I have battled clinical depression most of my adult life. This loneliness is a recurring transient state I can find myself in (no matter where I'm at in life).
Sometimes I dread her (loneliness). But sometimes I can see she is my friend, leading me to better unknown places.