Thursday, December 1, 2011

Laundry beast

 'July 5, 2009: Laundry Mountain' photo (c) 2009, Christopher - license:

 Sometimes the laundry piles up from here to the moon... and I need to be satisfied with just chipping away at it, once I can get out from under it. That's not really me in the picture, but metaphorically it definitely is.
It's a mountain that can only be climbed a little at a time.
The good thing about having to go to the laundry mat is that I can do many loads at one time. But I don't like to do more than three, plus it feels like I'm hogging the laundry mat if I do more than that!
Today, it's definitely laundry day- no escaping it. The beast has taken over. Why oh why do I put it off so....? It's always last on my priority list.
I've also noticed I go shopping more because it seems like there's no clothes (because they're all dirty!) Geez. Truth is, I don't like going to the laundry mat. I do covet having my own washer and dryer again... But I'm not sure I was any better when I did...  My husband has been doing his own laundry for quite some time. I'm really not the best house-wife, truth be told. Health problems have been part of the issue; having limited time where I was well enough to do things. But still, I always think there's better things to do with my time, until my daughter has no clean underwear.

I prefer to sit here and write about laundry than go and actually do it. Well, I rather write than do a great many things....

God give me the grace to fight this beast and WIN!
Can I accept that house work never ceases? (I always think it will magically cease one day, and often act as though it has, when all evidence is quite to the contrary) 

Okay, putting on my mama-cape, here I go!
Well, after breakfast! Can't do laundry without any protein!

Friday, November 25, 2011


Hope you had a good day.

Our daughter learned this poem, which I got from a friend, and said it as our prayer for the meal. She also dressed up as a little pilgrim : ) We made this cool turkey craft you can see on pic. We had fun creating the feathers. We got the idea at    

Blessings, Manuela

"Give thanks to God for God is good.
Give thanks to God for all Creation.
Give thanks to God for family and friends.
Give thanks to God for food to share.
Give thanks to God for sending Jesus.
God's love lasts Forever."


Friday, October 7, 2011


Wow, I can't believe I wrote the last post a month ago. How time flies.
I was sick for two whole weeks between then and now, and honestly I didn't know if I would ever get better, despite what the last post said...( I have been better for several days now, PRAISE GOD) I am AMAZED at how sickness can blurr perspective, how it does mine at times. But at the same time I'm seeing, once again, how grace from our friends can get us through. I know an amazing group of ladies through an online support group who pick me up, everytime. And so I see God's deliverance and overcoming come also through those who earnestly pray for us. These wonderful ladies have struggled with chronic illness ( as I have) and some have a few decades over me and their love astounds me, because they pray passionately and with love. So this is just a short tribute to them.
I tell some of them they are my "slightly" older sisters, not that age is that important...But years (and years of suffering) can teach many things. So I honor them for the lovely giving spirit they have. We have never met face to face, but I feel we know each other and are cut from the same cloth. What a blessing!

Monday, September 5, 2011


I'm excited- Excited that with God I can overcome anything, ANYTHING! The cheer I have comes from him.
I take my spoon (and ears and eyes and all of it) and feed on him, slowly, and he fills me and satisfies me, yes he does ( I need my daily bread). Nothing else can.
All props are removed so I can feast on the source of real life. Yes, I am excited! Who knew...!

"... be of good cheer, I have overcome the world" John 16:33

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Can we be this kind of friend?

And do we need friends like this? ... I don't find myself agnostic at this moment but in my lowest points I have surely felt the ways described in the post below. I think most of us have at one point or other, if we are honest. Are we afraid to admit it because we feel that not even God can tolerate our deep doubts?
And when we have been there, have we found disapproval and rejection from others, ...or have we dished that out? 

Daily Meditation for Thursday 25th of August 2011 by Dale and Juanita Ryan
A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
Job 6:14
At some point during the recovery process we re-examine our most fundamental beliefs. A long process of sorting, examining and questioning takes place. And, in that process, our relationship with God is challenged. It is possible that our relationship with God will deepen and strengthen in the process. But it is also possible that we will find ourselves pulling away from God. We may find ourselves angry with God, or afraid of God, or unable to believe in God at all. This can be a frightening experience. It can feel like the very foundations of life are being shaken.
In times like this, we need many things. But at the top of the list is our need for friends who will accept us even if we turn away from God. We need friends who will not minimize our struggle or discount our feelings. We need people who will not be shocked when we are full of rage at God. We need friends who are able to hear the deep pain behind our words and who know that this, too, is part of our healing. We need people who can see beyond the immediate pain to the healing that can come.
Even when we forsake the fear of God, we need friends who understand, who are committed to us for the long haul, and who plead with God on our behalf.
Sometimes I feel agnostic, Lord,
I just don't know anymore.
Sometimes I want nothing to do with you.
Where were you when I needed you the most?
Sometimes I despair, Lord.
Sometimes I can't seem to hope.
I need friends who will not abandon me, Lord.
I need friends who will be patient and grace-full with my anger and fear.
I need friends who will stay with me as we wait for you to show yourself once again.
I need friends, Lord, who will give me courage to hope again in you.
Send help, Lord.
Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Groaning for good things

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. (Romans 8:26&27)
 Wow, wow, wow. Amazing...
Have you ever groaned and you were just full of wanting...
Today, I dropped my little girl off to her first day of 1st grade! It was SO HARD, and scarier for me than maybe for her, although I thoroughly checked out the school and feel it's a pretty decent one (fingers crossed).
My sweet girl was excited and scared. God bless her tender heart. She was so brave and I know she will do great. She didn't cry... She had a little sticker on her hand to remind her of how much she is loved (taken from The Kissing hand book...)
When I left the school I was kind of a mess. I saw a little boy outside her class weeping and clinging to his momma and that just sort of threw me over the edge. I wanted to stay and just hang around outside her class, and as I lingered there, I realized it would be better if I went for a drive and tried to pray (besides I was starting to get weird looks)
I felt so full. As I drove (and got less cranky as I got away from all the traffic) the verse I shared above came to mind. I wanted to pray for Maggie, her safety and comfort at school, her teachers, the school, and then myself, my life, this state, the world, the children's hospital I passed... I had felt overwhelmed as people had rushed around me, and the crazy traffic and everyone running to their jobs; such is modern life, I know, but I wanted to be still. I realized I NEEDED to be. I think the realizing it and taking action (by getting away) was the breaking point for the light to enter. That's usually how it works for me.
And the verse above brought me comfort. God himself groans and intercedes through us and for us and we can offer our deep longings for good things as prayers, even if we can't articulate all of it. I was able to articulate some of it and felt more peace as I prayed... And I felt amazed at God and his mercy.
Amazing that we can just offer up prayers here and there, any time of day, as our hearts lead, and his Spirit leads. Some will be clear prayers, some will be groans (is that part of what "tongues" is .. ?). But I know our Father wants us to be still and know He is God- for our own comfort, cause this world is just too much sometimes. Whatever helps us be still and know him- a drive, a walk, a song, a prayer, whatever, is well worth the time. It helps unjade things just a bit at a time. And we all need to make more time for that.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Not ever in vain

Sometimes you will do things
and no one will understand,
except only One

Sometimes you will feel things
and no one will understand,
except One

only your conviction will carry you
And walking alone
will be your strength
though to many it appear as weakness

People fear anothers' sorrow too much
It reveals to them
their own fears,
To some
it mirrors their frozen pain
that they dare not face

But without heartache
you can't grow
or really love
or learn

or come to fully understand
what you need to

nor can you know
how close God is
when he carries you
and the heap of pain that you feel you are
as your strength wavers and your thoughts falter

though you falter...

you learn that the sorrow
you so feared
is a faithful teacher and friend

and your real sighing and tears
are not ever in vain

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Crazy times

the creation groans
waiting for the sons of God to be revealed
sons who feel
and see
and care
sons and daughters of light and life
coming forth in crazy times
through deception
and murder they will pass

birthed by pure blood
they will be purified
and creation aches
and groans
oh, when?

and together they will rise
crowned in love
sword in hand, double edged
lovely and wise

they will rise

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Through the Spirit...

"...Those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires." Romans 8:5

I want to live more and more with my mind set on what the Spirit desires. He is the Counselor, the Comforter, the Helper, the Spirit of Truth. I can turn my mind toward him and receive the strength and encouragement I need, anytime. Pretty great. He accepts me, my mess, brokenness. He silences the accuser and showers me with hope.