Thursday, September 16, 2010

Returning

Habits don't die easy and that involves ways of thinking as well. Fear, shame, worry, insecurity they all don't go easy. They are always knocking on our door. There is perhaps a right kind of fear and a right kind of worry. I don't even know. Need to make more time to renew my mind, to get in touch with the truth that is already in me, the goodness that is there. Everything is so crazy these days, so disconnected.
We will talk truth as if to grasp hold of it, but can we live it? The freedom we profess or seek comes with a cost. Do we dare be different- people who live the message, unconcerned with all the superficial worries of this life- like how to make a living? Do I even trust he will provide? And what if what he thinks is sufficient for me is way less than what I think I need? That seems to happen a lot. We all have to shed this world in so many ways to find the real peace that was there all along. How quickly it gets lost around here with so many distractions, so many ways to try to remove the ache. Maybe the homesick feeling is meant to just be there. Sometimes it's there much more so, and maybe that's okay too...? If it leads me to his embrace, it must be good...

6 comments:

Sue said...

I am feeling challenged by all this as well at the moment.

Reading the other day about certain people in the world who have chosen to live on no money at all, and are thriving and feeling free, it got me thinking all afternoon about how that would sit with me. I would feel momentary stomach clenches at the loss of beds and couches and tables, but it wouldn't last longer than 10 minutes. The books, however, and the stereo, and the CDs - hmmm, another story :)

PS: Love love love that pic of what's outside your window. The fenceline underneath, that amazing mountain range above - beautiful!!!

Manuela said...

hmmm. I guess I do think that some people are called to live on much "less" than others, and that God provides the grace for that. Perhaps their lives are much richer because of it. When I was at the community I lived with much less and didn't really miss all the extra "stuff", but it was a totally different culture. I guess it's whatever you believe you must do :)
I for one love country living, or living closer to earth's natural resources, but it also very hard work in different ways... But fulfilling work. I'm all about simplifying and returning to the earth, honoring it and respecting it (not destroying it!!!). There is just too much plastic around. They don't even recycle a large number of it here! it's horrible...
Maybe one day we will all be forced to do without the unnecessary stuff. I've seen a great bumper sticker that says "creativity before consumption."
There is so much more I could say on all this. Perhaps I need to write a post. :)

lionwoman said...

Manuela I'd love it if you'd write a post on this. I hear you! We moved out to the country with such intentions, but have found more obstacles than we'd anticipated...

This is such a great post. It well states how I feel too! Maybe like you said, we're not going to completely get past the fear, insecure and worry in this life but that's OK, because if we did, other struggling people couldn't relate to us or find us a truly safe person to be with.

I think I know what you mean, I've also felt stuck in a place where I'm tired of talking truth and want to truly live it more...

Manuela said...

hi Amy,
Thanks for your feedback. I'm thinking these things through... But feedback really helps to challenge my thoughts further. I love it when blogger is and remains a conversation, with challenges and even disagreements. I love honest, thought-provoking discussions. Really do.
I agree with you in what you said about being real about our worries/ struggles, etc. They just can't be escaped in this life and they really do bring us together. It's not about proving to anyone we have it all together- there's no community in that (and no such thing!).
As for the thoughts in this post- I do want to expound on it further.

Kel said...

Manuela, I hear you on this. Especially the bit about being permanently homesick.

Lionwoman, we moved to the country too and you are so right - there are more obstacles than one might have imagined.

People want to hear us say that the dream is real. But they also secretly hope it's not, so they can feel better about their choices. There's a lot of pressure to 'perform' to show that one's choices pay off.

But I'm learning to live in a way that I'd rather die saying I gave it a go, instead of having to say "I wish..."

Manuela said...

Kel, I really respect that you've taken real steps to live counter-culture and more humanely. I know it is challenging...