Saturday, June 26, 2010

It has been so hard (more Twelve Tribes stuff)

My daughter, who is 5 and1/2, liked many of the same things I did about the community, plus I really protected her a lot from the nonsense when it became more apparent to me (see my post about leaving the Twelve Tribes, if you're lost). But she misses it, she constantly brings things up. She misses being around people in community all the time, especially the children. She misses her friends. Many things there were fun for her, and a lot of things became "normal" for us. I'm trying my best here for us to branch out, but she's skittish and timid now, more than before. She questions everything. And I don't blame her. I question a lot too. I can understand how it could be confusing for her.
I'm afraid the community influenced her more than I wish, and that she was indoctrinated wrongly some, being so impressionable. I feel terrible about this. I don't want her to be confused. She is already shy by nature. She is so smart, and children are sponges. I know it influenced me more than I wish, especially while I was there. We LIVED with these people for almost 10 months, so how could it not!?
I need time to deal with all of it, but it's hard to find the time. Life is just demanding right now and we need some support. I really haven't talked to too many people about it. It's hard to know how. It's stressing me out. For those of you inclined to pray... please pray for us.
Thank you


Aida said...

Manuela, getting free of the tentacles takes time but it can happen. Children are impressionable but they also do adapt. Like you, she just needs time. I love you and I’ll be praying for you. Call me if you need to talk.

Manuela said...

Thanks Aida for your insight and support :)

lifeonmaple said...

i'm praying for both of you. joanna is the same way and i'm realizing it's hard to know how to balance sheltering her and pushing her to grow. it's hard to be a mommy.

Manuela said...

Thanks Sarah...It IS oftentimes hard being a mommy.