Lately I have had virtually no appetite, no desire to eat much at all. When I awoke today, I felt down, with no desire to eat and not too well rested at all. But I sensed a deeper hunger inside me... and I knew I needed to go read and meditate on scripture. So I took my time in doing just that... and it changed me and fueled me after only a little while. I even got my appetite for food back!
God is just amazing. The Spirit is amazing and I look for him all the time, everywhere and sometimes in all the wrong places. But there is no one like him. There is no other. And the very looking for him comes from him in me. It's all very amazing.
How can I be true to who he's made me to be outside the walls of institutionalized religion? I'm VERY slowly finding my way. The solitude drives me to deeper places with him and then I know I just can't go back... I have to keep moving forward. Even if I don't know where I'm going, I know the one who's got me and he propels me on. He won't let up... and it's all for my good.
And so I am really grateful and I know the heartache is not in vain at all. It is transformed for our good.
I love Romans 8. I continually go back to it. Today this really spoke:
...those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs— heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.