All the places we can hide and stopping one-up-manship

We live in a very competitive world. It's it's in you; it's in me, and it divides all of us. Yeah, the stupid thing is competition. We've been bred on it; it's partner is comparison, and they are both bent on creating isolation. They are truly ways to hide from real friendship and authenticity, though covertly so. Some will think, "oh, well if my place is all up to date and put together I will be more accepted, I will belong, or if I appear that way..." But this is often not a conscious thought, though, but rather a compulsion that most have been trained by- to keep up appearances.... even exhaust themselves to that extent.
The other whammy that interferes with genuine relationship is one-up-manship. The thought or feeling that one has it "better" than another; it's partner is also comparison. Through this lense you only see people's "needs" or "weaknesses" and not their beauty or strengths. It is another way to hide from one's own vulnerable places.  Many people in "helping" professions, like counselors or pastors can very easily hide behind this lense. The lie is- they just need to help everyone else because they are doing "great" (when really they are not). Helping others becomes a way or compulsion to hide from their own issues. But of course it's not just people in helping professions that think or act that way. We are really, all of us, very complex...
We can't really be friends when we think we are better than someone, on any level. We can't really be friends if even a subtle competition is allowed to be in the back drop. It has to be identified and dealt with.
But what creates competition is insecurity. Relationship is replaced by achievement points, and the points are never enough to satisfy the one caught in the trenches of achievement (performance).
Being one-up from anybody (if there is such a thing!) never helped anyone, not even that someone up in their little pedestal. And that pedestal is a lonely place.
What I'm learning over and over is that it is painful and sacrificial to love, as we've been shown by Yashua, because we reveal our vulnerability- that we can be hurt, or even killed; that we are indeed fragile. He was naked, bleeding and dying on that cross. Love requires a death to self, the yucky carrier of competition, hiding and comparison. And real connection happens when all that armor is down.
What keeps it up is fear, not love.
I am thankful perfect love casts out fear. We need this perfect love, and it's been freely given. It will consume all our fears.

Give yourself the time you need...

to recover from stuff

see more Daily Squee

The gift of dreams (more on Twelve Tribes...)

God helps me in my dreams, especially in dealing with community stuff. I have very vivid dreams of things I don't think about during waking hours. I dream about situations that help me understand what happened at the community and why people became as they did. Why it became about laws and regulations, though that is not everyone's heart there, nor intent. The law just trapped them, as it does, and many fight against it, as I tried to. Many there do have a fervent love for our Savior that is altogether genuine. I thought about all these things as I woke up this morning.
I thought about what I missed. Definitely some of my friends. Definitely yearning  to work together for a cause higher than all of us; definitely serving others together; the separateness from the complex world culture;  the eating of food that we harvested with our own hands, or whom friends harvested and prepared, the dancing celebrations. The Spirit was there too sometimes as it is everywhere where people believe.
But there is much more I don't miss- the accusations and put downs, the constant assumptions or suspicions about my motives of heart, the questioning and challenging of all my prior beliefs and experiences. It was beginning to want to brainwash me, in fact some there believed I needed to be brain "washed". In most of their eyes I had just begun regeneration- I had not REALLY been saved until I was baptized into their group. And I sort of fell for that for a short time. I wanted to fit there because they seemed so devoted and genuine and they seemed to love me, and I loved them. But they did want to change EVERYTHING about me. I was a "newborn" baby to them, when I joined. My prior 15 years of faith mattered NOTHING. I didn't want to see this was true.
I don't believe EVERYONE thought this way, but the vast majority did.  I came to know a few who didn't and they are the reason I stayed for as long as I did. I loved them and they loved me as best as we could, and of course, I miss them.
I don't think most there want to be trapped in a stale religion that entraps, but many don't know any other way of life (like all those born and raised in the community). They see the world as a cage, not just because they've been told it's a cage. They themselves see the corruption, many have experienced it, only to return to community life. Many thoughtful people there weigh where the corruption is worse- is it in the community or the world? I weighed that same thing. We all want wholesome lives that reflect our Savior. The world entraps and corrupts, when we let it. But the world is EVERYWHERE. We can't escape it on this earth. We are in it no matter WHERE we are at, we are just not to be of it. And that is the call for true believers everywhere, always; it has been and will be for all of history- To not let the world in us (the corrupted world under the prince of the air...)
But his yoke is easy and his burden light. And He is the one that keeps us, saves us, rescues us, because we are his own and no one can say otherwise.

Oh, my my... big pet

iced coffee drinks, hippos massages, cozy blanky.... wonderful hippo life : ) I'm envious (says my husband)
Do any of you out there ever find yourselves thinking in blog posts....? There's so much I want to post, comment on, or share, but I can't seem to find the time (well, this one's just a short random one). But I'm gonna see about trying a little harder to find time for this blog realm.... It seems to escape me.

The Serenity Prayer

I just ran across this... It looks like the longer version, very encouraging. I'm really coming to understand that life is indeed about learning how and when to let go (especially as a mother)... that's why we need our heavenly Father so much...

It really is a wonderful poem. Check it out here
http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html 
( by the way, I'm not endorsing the site above. Don't really know much about it, I just liked that particular page...)

It has been so hard (more Twelve Tribes stuff)

My daughter, who is 5 and1/2, liked many of the same things I did about the community, plus I really protected her a lot from the nonsense when it became more apparent to me (see my post about leaving the Twelve Tribes, if you're lost). But she misses it, she constantly brings things up. She misses being around people in community all the time, especially the children. She misses her friends. Many things there were fun for her, and a lot of things became "normal" for us. I'm trying my best here for us to branch out, but she's skittish and timid now, more than before. She questions everything. And I don't blame her. I question a lot too. I can understand how it could be confusing for her.
I'm afraid the community influenced her more than I wish, and that she was indoctrinated wrongly some, being so impressionable. I feel terrible about this. I don't want her to be confused. She is already shy by nature. She is so smart, and children are sponges. I know it influenced me more than I wish, especially while I was there. We LIVED with these people for almost 10 months, so how could it not!?
I need time to deal with all of it, but it's hard to find the time. Life is just demanding right now and we need some support. I really haven't talked to too many people about it. It's hard to know how. It's stressing me out. For those of you inclined to pray... please pray for us.
Thank you

Facebook...(expanded)

Everywhere I go, people seem spread too thin, in one way or another. Not to mention online. I refuse to get facebook for this reason. It seems so shallow. I know maybe it's not always totally shallow. I guess it is what you make it. But most people have made it pretty dumb and superficial. What else could it be when you only communicate in short phrases and with pictures that show, maybe, 2% of anyone's current reality, if that. Maybe it serves as a way for people to fool themselves into believing their lives are so great... I fail to see how anyone's life could really be that great these days, with the world we are living in. Maybe life is good sometimes. Maybe there are some redeeming qualities here and there, but, come on, lets get real...

For me, writing and blogging have much more depth. Do I feel "left out" because I haven't joined the facebook bandwagon. Sometimes. But I feel this is unfair, really. Are my friends forgetting about me because they don't "see" me on facebook (because I didn't join like everybody-else-is-doing-it) Isn't this kind of, um, well, high-schoolish?

Are we to join every new trend, so as not to be left behind. This reveals more about the sickness of our culture than anything else. That's why I'm not doing it. We don't have a big flat screen TV either (among MANY other things that most people believe you just have to have, like everybody else....) I'm not gonna get one just cause everyone else is doing it... Man, the stupid pressures out there! Do we critically think about these things? The trends are growing and changing exponentially. And we're all suckers for them (many are slaves to them). The demands are increasing, but most people's paychecks aren't.... But, nevertheless most people will sacrifice a lot to keep up. Why? Because of fear... fear to not fit in. Fear of being different.( But I say it's good to be different.) Social pressure is the biggest kind of pressure, because we are social creatures... And lets not forget that the word "culture" begins with the world "cult." I don't know if this is accurate etymology (need to look into it more), but it makes one wonder...?

Tell me, have all these "advancements" improved our quality of life?

The evidence is quite the contrary.